Kisses from Kenya Episode 1

Two Americans living abroad explore race and queerness in global contexts, and what identity looks like when you move to East Africa. Welcome to Episode 1 of Kisses from Kenya, a Democrats Abroad Kenya social podcast exploring Blackness, queerness, culture, and life as Americans in Nairobi.

In this first episode, hosts Vuyanzi (a Black American living in Kenya) and Brendan (a gay American living in Kenya) unpack the strange and surprising identity shifts that happen when you cross borders. Vuyanzi reflects on what it feels like to be “no longer Black” in a context where race functions differently, while Brendan explores how white privilege follows him even when the environment changes. Together they examine how identity travels, transforms, and sometimes contradicts itself in unexpected ways.

This episode looks at belonging, culture shock, safety, comfort, and the realities of navigating American identity abroad. It is candid, funny, and grounded in lived experience.

Chapters

• Introduction
• Whose America Is It Anyway?
• Identity shifts abroad
• Race, queerness, and privilege in Kenya
• What we are learning about ourselves
• Closing thoughts

Transcript

Vuyanzi 0:06

Hey, Kisses from Kenya is produced by Democrats Abroad Kenya, but everything you hear in this podcast reflects our personal perspectives.

Brendan 0:20

Yes. And I think we say it should be taken as the official stance of Democrats Abroad Kenya, Democrats Abroad Global, or the Democratic Party. And this is an entertainment space and not an official policy platform. Thank you. Hey y'all, I'm Brendan. And I am Vuyanzi. And yeah, this is our podcast. We don't have a name for it yet, but when we do, you'll all be the first to know.

Vuyanzi 0:47

Hopefully by the time this hits the airwaves, you'll already know what the name is.

Brendan 0:51

But uh we are here because we're both members of the executive committee of Democrats Abroad Kenya. Of course, I do want to start with just a small disclaimer. Um we're mostly just talking about life abroad as Americans, but none of our statements here are official statements on behalf of Democrats Abroad Kenya, please. Yes. Amen. So um we're still kind of figuring this out as we go. So the idea is we'll come up with some segments and we'll have some kind of things that pop up, but I think we can start out maybe by talking a little bit about the news, current events. I don't know if you've been listening to coming out of our motherland.

Vuyanzi 1:32

Yes. I'm sorry that okay, okay, yes, I've heard it. And I I am I I don't like to give too much commentary on it, but it's it's been disappointing. Um, it's felt a bit embarrassing, and also it's a bit distracting too. Uh, because one of the things that also came out of this meeting in the UN, so that everyone knows that's what we're talking about, um, things that people aren't paying attention to is some other things that other presidents are saying. And one is uh President Gustavo, I forget his name from Colombia. And he's saying, he's speaking straight to saying to say that, you know, these things are a hoax, or to say blowing up people and doing certain things is okay. He actually said, you know, a criminal or an investigation should be launched. So I feel like instead of the distraction that's happening, that also we wouldn't need to be paying attention to the reaction because I don't think enough is being shown about the reactions to it. Because if you're looking at the news broadcast, people just look like they're sitting down and just taking it, but people aren't taking it. So, anyway, that's my spiel. What are your thoughts on what's coming out of our motherland?

Brendan 2:54

I mean, I'm more sort of just like like this whole thing about like Talon during pregnancy. Like, first of all, like I think like for me as like as someone who identifies as a feminist, like and a male, a male feminist, you know, someone without ovaries. Like just the idea that you're gonna get up here as like two men, you know, because I'm talking about that one that sounds like he has the gravel in his throat too. Um you're gonna get up here as two like this gender men and basically like police what pregnant women do with their bodies, like in and of itself. I mean it's part of the larger narrative, but it's it is right now, right? And then on top of that, like it's like the language, right? Like the way that you know Trump is up there, like, oh well, like if you can tough it out, like tough it out. But like if you can't, I guess you could take Tylenol, but you might give your towel off of that. Like it's just like it's it's cringe to me.

Vuyanzi 3:57

Yeah, like even when you're saying it, I'm like, oh, doing that cringe thing.

Brendan 4:02

Yeah, yeah. But like, I mean, it's just I I think it's strange to me how kind of out of hand like a lot of these things have just become very like like run of the mill. Like even the way they deliver it, it's like they're not even thinking about it that much.

Vuyanzi 4:19

It feels very backwards. Yeah, it feels uh yeah, we're talking about a first world country that is going backwards. Yeah, and I'm using, you know, I'm I'm saying first world kind of tongue-in-cheek, right? Uh, but it feels very backwards.

Brendan 4:37

Well, and and I just I mean, I I think I worry about like you know, it I mean for better or for worse, like the things that come out of the mouth of people on the stage in our lighthouse like set the tone for so many other things around the world. And I think that like, you know, I I just think about people who will now feel emboldened to just kind of question so much about science.

Vuyanzi 5:04

Yes, uh, the whole emboldenness a lot of things are emboldened. Yeah, uh that started during a few years ago. I've I felt a lot of it. And um, but doesn't that kind of actually lead into what we're talking about today? And identity, because I felt it with my identity. Uh, I don't want to do you want to introduce our topic because, well, right now today, our topic is really how we are the identity shift that came with moving abroad. Yeah. Now, what do I mean by that? And I I specifically want to connect this that back during someone's first term, I don't even want to say that name. During someone's first term, people felt very emboldened to say things to me. I do identify, I know it's hard to tell as a black woman. Really? Surprise! And people just felt okay to say certain things to me. Um, like, yeah, I I voted because of taxes because for him. I I vote on my wallet. I mean, these are literal quotes, and almost getting defensive, and I'm not really an argumentative person outside of, let's say, the people who I really, really know. And so these people would kind of say it and kind of saying it with their chest, you know, yeah, I did vote for him. Yeah. And what are you gonna do about it? Kind of thing. And so coming here to Kenya, uh-huh, I like this because I actually did a Facebook post about this, a Facebook Live, and I was walking down the street. I was staying in my Airbnb. So this is fresh. This is within the first six weeks of living here. When was this? This was in 2020, during the pandemic, August, about August of 2020.

Brendan 6:55

Oh, okay. So we moved here around the same time.

Vuyanzi 6:58

Oh, yeah, okay, okay. And I was walking down the street and I felt something. I was breathing regularly. I know it's out, it felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest. And I came back to my Airbnb and I'm like, what is this thing? And I'm like, oh, I'm not black. It was racism. It was it was the racism that I carried that I didn't even know that I was carrying the burden of it. The village that I lived in in New York, a total of something like 7,000 people, and there was about not even 10% black people. So that kind of, and that was the same village I grew up in. I'd gone back there. It's uh I don't want to say that it's called Pierremont, New York. It's uh outside of New York City, it's across from Westchester. Yes, okay, yeah, Lower Hudson Valley.

Brendan 7:57

You know, I grew up in Albany.

Vuyanzi 7:59

Okay, so yes, lower come down low, low, low. Uh so I don't know. What about you and your like what is shifting for you? Because you you're white, right? Yeah.

Brendan 8:11

I'll always do that. Well, I I think it's it's interesting because for me, I mean, like similar experience, but like a little bit different. Because I think for me, like especially coming from like over a decade of living in the south, you know, because I I lived in Louisiana for a long time.

Vuyanzi 8:31

Yeah, and I just got a little nervous when you chat Louisiana follows.

Brendan 8:36

Um I had like I had a great time. Yeah, like to be clear, it's like when one lives in the south, you either live in the black part of the south or the white part of the south. Like even if they're two blocks away from each other, they're not the same place.

Vuyanzi 8:48

Wow. Holy spray.

Brendan 8:50

I lived very much, you know, in mostly African-American spaces when I was in Louisiana. So I had a fabulous time when I had to go to my people's spaces. That's another story for another day. Oh, I don't know if we have to wait for another day with that one. Oh my gosh. But I think like coming here, I think, you know, like like there were aspects of it that were the same. Because I think I had for a long time been used to being the only person that looked like me in a room, which in America was instructive because I think when I moved to the South and started operating in more of those spaces, like it taught me a lot about how to empathize with black Americans that were in the situation you were in.

Vuyanzi 9:35

Yeah.

Brendan 9:35

Because I I remember back then, even like some of my friends from college coming to visit and going out to a bar with like going out to one of my normal bars with them, and they were like, These are two white girls. They were like, We're very uncomfortable. And I was like, why? And they were like, We're the only white people in here. Wow. And I was like, Wow, so holy smoke. That part stayed the same, right? So like now I'm you know living in a black country, not even in like a you know, black city.

Vuyanzi 10:08

Yeah, yeah.

Brendan 10:09

Um but what was so strange was like the way that like whiteness followed me because I remember going to Surrey Center with a friend, and it was like I had just moved here, so I moved here in February of 2020.

Vuyanzi 10:25

So oh, so you were new. Oh, we were came in the same year.

Brendan 10:28

I love that. So COVID lockdown happened like a few weeks later. I had come with like my three suitcases, so I naturally like had to go buy stuff because I didn't have things. Yes. So I remember we went to Sarate Center and I was like with one of my colleagues because um our office used to be like walking distance there, and we went into LCYKT. Oh, okay, so that's the store, yes. And like she got followed around the store by security, and I didn't stop, and so here I am thinking that I have like escaped like that dynamic, and somehow it's still the same because nobody gave me a second look, right? I could have been over there shoving all kinds of stuff.

Vuyanzi 11:18

What? Yeah, so okay, oh my gosh, like you're hitting on so many things right now because from the opposite perspective, I've walked into stores even more recently and kind of looked behind to see who would be following me, and no one follows me. Like, and that's what I meant by not being black anymore, not being the only. Yeah, we're talking about the only. Yeah. And and I'm just thinking about your two white college uh friends who like we're very uncomfortable. I'm like, are you bleeping? Kidding me. Um, I was it it reminded me of a conversation being in New York and just talking about the shift and even how conversations went. Um, so it was we had done a spinning class, and of course, I'm one of maybe one or two black people in there. And then one was like, Well, I'm thinking about moving to Nyack. Now, Nyack was adjacent to Pyrmont. Oh, you know, it's only three miles from Pyrmont. So when we want to hang out, we go to Nyack to hang out. And so she's like, I'm not afraid of living in a diverse area. And I'm like such big eye roll. I roll, right? Because, but however, and as much as we're laughing, imagine hearing those types of conversations since you were five years old till the age of 40 something. And finally you get in a place where you're not being judged in a bad way by the color of your skin. In fact, I dare to say, this chocolate mist gets celebrated. And so what a shift to to really being like, this is okay. This is okay. So anyway, yes, so identity shift. So now you have this, shall we say, privilege?

Brendan 13:13

Is it I mean, you think I'm not gonna argue with you like some of these people will, but I mean, yeah, it's a privilege.

Vuyanzi 13:22

Yeah. Well, I and and do you think that people even know it? Because I I think about that, like you're aware of what's going on. But I'm wondering, is there any inkling to the person providing the privilege that they are providing privilege to you?

Brendan 13:39

No, I mean I mean, that's what makes it insidious, right? Is that it becomes like second nature, right? Um and I think like that's the I think that that exists everywhere, right? And and I think it's what's been interesting is seeing how then being here in Kenya, and I'd be interested to hear how this is for you. Like, I do think that like non-white Americans are afforded a certain amount of privilege because of their Americanness.

Vuyanzi 14:11

Oh, a hundred, yes, yes, yes.

Brendan 14:14

That's like a fascinating flip from how it exists in the it is, and actually for me, it's a bit uncomfortable.

Vuyanzi 14:21

Yeah. Uh, because also, as much as that's flipped, that Americann-ness, this accent equals money to many people. You got a dollar. Like, dollars, okay? I'm like, you don't know my family, you don't know where I've come from. So uh that part, so number one, sometimes though, people don't know where my accent is from. So maybe it's the thick New York, New Jersey thing that's happening because sometimes they're like, is it Nigeria? Is it Ghana? I'm like, so um it is a flip because I I really want to say America because I just know there's so much that comes with that that doesn't feel comfortable. And then sometimes does a person just like me because I'm American? That's a story for another day, especially when it comes to the um dating world. Will we ever talk about the dating world on the show? Not today. I need to write a later date. Let's dissect bubble experiences of the people. Well, I'll have to we'll have to both do like um our own experiments, our own social experiments, and come back here and tell everyone how that was here.

Brendan 15:41

Well, I think I think this is a good spot to hit pause for the first episode. Because it's ongoing anyway, it's never ending. But I do, of course, want to plug if you are an American living here in Kenya, we'd love to engage with you as part of Democrats Abroad Kenya. We're on Instagram, we're on Facebook, we're not on Twitter. I refuse to call it that other thing. Um we're on WhatsApp and we're on email. So you can find us, look us up. Um, we'd love to engage, talk to you about your experience uh living in Kenya or elsewhere abroad as an American.

Vuyanzi 16:18

Yeah, we want to hear from you.

Brendan 16:20

Yeah. Um, we're hoping to do some segments that'll involve stories from our listeners. So reach out. Um and we'd be excited to talk more. All right, see you guys. All right, see you on the next episode. Bye.